This just in, an epidemic of tragic proportions. Thousands of movie-going citizens are boycotting trailers, everywhere! Specifically franchise trailers. People are turning off their late night hosts and avoiding the internet entirely.
Angered Passionate Film Enthusiast: “I’m just sick of all the spoilers…That’s it right there. The spoilers.”
Hundreds have voiced their immense displeasure regarding the amateur marketing ability of recent trailers.
Calmer but Peeved Film Enthusiast: “It’s belittling. When I watched the Jurassic World: The Fallen Kingdom trailer, they gave you the plot, the outcome, but worse of all they gave you the easter eggs from the first film. ‘Life finds a way?!’ The f*cking T-Rex?!”
Sarcastic Rich Kid Film Student: “Personally…I felt they assumed I was an idiot and wouldn’t go see yet another installment of (air quotes) a warm fuzzy franchise (close air quotes) that reminds me of childlike wonder.”
People in the know speculate that nearly 75% of trailer viewing sucks.
Trailers are on par with the guys your mom dates. Soul crushing. They multiply daily, with new hints and dead giveaways sprouting in each. They’ve even gone as far as turning their masters against them. Director, Rian Johnson warned fans of small indie film Star Wars: The Last Jedi’s spoiler-splashed trailer.
Angered Passionate Film Enthusiast: “Franchises think they can just do that to you! Man, I don’t want to see that! I understand a new story needing to give some of its plot away, but not…not Star Wars (trails off in sobs).”
Sarcastic Rich Kid Film Student: “Taste. That’s all I want out of a trailer. A taste of it.”
Calmer but Peeved Film Enthusiast: “You’re not even going to let me find the eggs?”
Sarcastic Rich Kid Film Student: “You want to show the essence of the film, while still adhering to marketing constructs.”
Calmer but Peeved Film Enthusiast: “You’re just going to put them in my basket?”
Sarcastic Rich Kid Film Student: “I’m not an idiot.”
Calmer but Peeved Film Enthusiast: “I’m not an idiot.”
Angered Passionate Film Enthusiast: “I’M NOT AN IDIOT!”
Oh my god. Am I the idiot?
Maybe that’s a bit harsh, but I let my disdain get the better of me. I was so hurt by the Spider-Man: Homecoming trailer that I projected my insecurities and distrust onto undeserving trailers.
Now that I’ve seen Star Wars: The Last Jedi and done my research on Jurassic World: The Fallen Kingdom, it appears I jumped the gun. Though The Last Jedi’s trailer was full of fun “omg” moments, the big spoilers in the trailer were nothing more than clever misdirection. And according to Colin Trevorrow, director of the first Jurassic World and co-writer of the second, that trailer contains only footage from the first 57 minutes and the full plot is less than revealed.
No one wants to feel like an idiot. So as a consumer, I’ll give credit to the edit a little more. I’ll even forgive the self-satisfied “life finds a way” nod. But I stand by what I said about the T-Rex, dammit!